Top Chef Episode Five or Seriously, Fuck Spike

Spike, or K-Fed as I shall refer to him from now on, is an annoying douche-bag. I believe he must have a Mary Poppinsesque bag full of fugly hats, because he is never seen without one. The one he regularly wears is bad enough but I really don't have the words to describe how hideous that peak billed monstrosity during his one-on-one with the camera was. KICK THAT FUCKER OFF. He's had his ass on the chopping block how many times? He's a mildly talented chef with a hugely inflated ego. Boring.

The winning dish looked excellent. I've normally liked Dale, but he was such a bitchy drama queen about Lisa winning for her bacon. Get the fuck over it. I love how he ripped her a new one for her negative attitude, though.

I am so glad Zoi is gone. Now we don't have to hear "Seriously guys, we're lesbians. LESBIANS. But you shouldn't treat us any different just because we're a couple," at the start of every show. And she was a shitty cook. The only bad thing about this will be Stephanie's increased whining that is sure to come.

And although I really want to the love the Kiwi, Mark, he just seems to fade into the background. I feel like he could be so much more. He definitely needs to speak out or act up or something.